Pro Tips: The Psychology of Getting Free Shit- Pt. 1

What if I told you that people want to give you things you don’t necessarily deserve and certainly didn’t pay for?

The average person has been brainwashed into believing that they should settle for what people give them. Not settle for what they need or even what they deserve…what they are given! They lower their standards to match their experience. And they do it in the name of humility. Ha!

Here are some of the common excuses people use:

 “ I don’t want to be pushy…”

Well that’s good news, cause it won’t get you very far!

“Doesn’t it seem a little entitled?”

As I said before, this isn’t about deservedness. I think my wants and likes are valid. You should too.

“I dunno.. morally it just doesn’t feel right”

Morally opposed to gifts?? Christmas must be really hard for you.

Let’s be clear- people are giving you things. This isn’t an article on how to start a ponzi scheme or weasel your way into someone’s will. The people who want me to feel bad for being gifted 4 bottles of champagne in a 10 day span are the same people who lead cordial men on for months just to wrestle free dinners out of them. Newsflash: being so nice, seductive, and smart that people just GIVE you shit is something to celebrate. See, getting free shit only makes you feel bad if you either:

  1. have low self esteem, or
  2. Are actually a manipulative person

And now that we’ve established you aren’t suffering from either condition, let’s get started!

Word to the wise- now is not the time to channel your inner New York.

Set Expectations

I look at getting free shit like a guy opening the car door for me. It’s rarely automatic. Ugh…God bless a boy that waits standing outside of his car when he comes to pick me up. The average guy waits mindlessly in the driver’s seat, eyes glued to his phone. You damn near have to knock on the window to get his attention. He hits the unlock button, then gives you that dumb look through the glass as you kindly open the car door for yourself. If you’re lucky you might get the reach-across open from inside. Ya know, the one where there’s not enough space to get in, but just enough for you to awkwardly grasp at the door while it closes on your fingers?

How many times have you *really* wanted him to do it… to be that guy. But when he blows past you and hops in the driver’s seat without a second thought, you resign again. You let it go.

See, step one for getting free shit and for grooming your potential boyfriend is the same- set expectations. The only difference is that when it comes to men, I only want the ones that give me what I want without me having to say it. But Newsflash #1: that attitude won’t get you very far in the service world. If you wait for people to anticipate your needs, you’ll be waiting forever.

From now on, you’re the girl who stands there and smiles until he either gets the hint or you have to gesture subtly and say, “door?”

Most people are only invested in doing their job, which by the way doesn’t have “giving you free shit” in the description. It’s not about what you deserve, but what you expect. People need to see you as someone with extremely high standards that are always met. Without this, you will accomplish nothing.

Change Your Attitude

I remember a time when even being inside of the Ritz made me feel uncomfortable. I had this relentless voice in my head constantly ripping me to shreds.

“You’re a fraud. Everyone can tell you don’t belong here…”

And god forbid I ask for anything. I was so set on seeing myself as a burden. The type of person who pays for a large, gets a small, and walks away. But thats not me today. And it damn sure ain’t gon be you.

I recognize change is hard. So every time you feel too extra or awkward, think back on allllll the times your expectations weren’t met and remember these 3 things:

  1. You’re worth it
  2. Asking isn’t the same as demanding
  3. If there’s something you want and someone is capable of giving it to you….. Why the fuck shouldn’t you be the one to get it?

Worst case scenario: you get nothing. Aka exactly what u were going to get before.

Thanks for reading! Now it’s time for Part 2- Techniques! See you there.




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