[Wardrobe] How to Find the Perfect Vintage Jean Shorts

Why vintage?

For one, if you hunt hard enough you can find a great pair of jeans for cheap. By cheap I mean anywhere as low as $10 if you are shopping on eBay, and maybe even 5-10 if you are thrift shopping! What is great about them is that  they are real jeans, and if in used condition have likely been washed enough times where you don’t have to worry about too much shrinkage. But the fact that they don’t have the stretch that a thick thighed girl like me has come to love (jeggings, anyone?) means you have to get the sizing exactly right. And without returns on most second hand purchases, you have to get it right the first time. This is strictly about buying either pre-cut jean shorts or actual shorts. I will post about cutting and distressing your own jeans a different day.

Girls with big butts and tiny waists, this is your only shot. I can’t tell you how many damn pairs of shorts I have tried on. Gaping waistband and legs looking like sausages squeezing out of their casing…


Thanks for nothing Lizard Thicket– NEXT!

NOW BEFORE I HAND YOU THE KEYS- Just promise when you find those bomb shorts you will tag me in your gram flex and #thegloup. And subscribe.

You ready to find your perfect pair? Here’s how.

Choose your retailer wisely

  • Ebay- If you can keep your wits about you, eBay is definitely your best bet. It is easy to get distracted because there are so many pairs, so don’t load up 22 tabs and mow through them because you won’t actually remember what you saw. Make sure to “watch” listings you like so they are cued up. Only look at buyers with a “buy it now” option and make sure it is a price you are willing to pay. Don’t fool around with bidding- some eBay pros are sitting on their computer with a stopwatch ready to snag your item. You won’t win.
  • Poshmark- Another option is the clothes reselling app Poshmark. Only tricky thing is that these sellers are usually just your average person wanting to get rid of some old clothes and make a little money. They won’t always take correct measurements for you. Also, Poshmark takes a 20% cut from their listings while eBay only takes 10%. What does that mean? On Posh you will pay more!!
  • Thrift Stores- Stay away from any self-proclaimed “vintage” store or “trendy” second hand store. You’re looking for the Goodwill or random neighborhood second hand store where some woman in her 60’s is finally getting rid of the clothes in the back of her closet. In short, you don’t want the retailers to be so fiercely aware of how in demand these jeans are. Positives- you can try them on.
  • *stay off of etsy. just. yeah. don’t do it.*

Take your measurements

No, but seriously. Sizing has changed drastically, and even thought you may be a 30 in your UO denim, odds are you won’t be in your old school Levis. This is why I say use eBay. Any decent seller will put these measurements in the “seller notes” or discription .Here’s what you need to measure.

  • Height. Look at what the listed “rise” of the shorts are. Using flexible measuring tape, measure from the center of your groin to the height they list. So, if they say they have a 10.5 rise, measure up to that spot
  • Waist. Then, measure the circumference of your waist at that spot. A lot of instructions say measure the smallest part of your waist. What if the shorts don’t go that high?!?! Stay woke.
  • Length. Measure from the center of your groin down. The length is where it will hit your thigh.
  • Leg Circumference. THIS. IS WHERE. YOU PEOPLE. MESS. UP!!!! Measure around ya damn leg and compare it to the THIGH OPENING listed for the shorts! this is crucial! Keep in mind how long you want these shorts to be and if you plan on cutting them more once you get them.

If these measurements aren’t listed, ask for them. It’s as simple as that. I like to go 1 inch or so smaller on the waist than the measurement of my actual waist.

*Pro Tip*- Get shorts long enough to roll them at least twice. It is nice to have some cute shorts that don’t have the super distressed look with the obnoxiously frayed hem you have to trim every time you wash (played out).

Plus of vintage jeans.. they will have your booty lookin extraaaaaaa!!! Don’t believe me? See below. IMG_0361.JPGIMG_0196.JPG

Werrrrrrk. Until next time,

Queen V



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