[The Tea] The Napkin,

The motherfucking Napkin.

I was never one to wear crop tops. Between high school dress code and a diet of chicken tenders and fruit snacks, it never occurred to me that bearing half of my abdomen in public was even an option. But this is pre-2013 we’re talking, and for those who remember (HA!) flare yoga pants were still making their first appearances. In middle I may have hiked up my stringy tank tops so that you got a sliver of skin above my super low cut skinny jeans, but the bellybutton region never really got a cameo. (With the exception of my late-highschool phase of jumping into pools at parties I wasn’t invited to).

BTW- can we talk about the extra low rise jeans…one inch above your…yeah., perpetually revealing whale tail, demanding I pull up my pants every single time I sat down… Remind me why we did that? Now I’m high-waisted jeans till the death of me, but that is precisely because of my affinity for napkins, so let me continue.

*cracks knuckles*

SO, it wasn’t until I started bodybuilding and finally attained the mystical and oh so elusive *abs* that I decided it was damn time to get a little stomach action going. Right around this time, crop tops start really hitting the scene. My instagram #fitfam always seemed to be half naked, so I figure I might as well dabble. I mean I’m in college and single after all, and most importantly I HAVE ABS!!!! Pics Crop tops or it didn’t happen.

Fast forward 3 years bb, and I’ve evolved. I’m in Equinox full sports bra and painted on highlighter leggings. Until Vanderbilt. Until Nashville. Until…The South… I remember walking on Vanderbilt campus the first week of school and seeing girls in what I now refer to as the “Sorority Girl Staple”. Oversized graphic tee from some Delta Delta Phi Who Kappa Fucking Sigma Cares event, nike running shorts, and tennis shoes. But good god thats not it, they wear it to the gym too! I wasn’t about to be that girl, so I bought some bigger shirts, started lifting heavier weights, and found a nice home at 170 lbs.

Oh, and I got a boyfriend. (Enter: Nick)

So that was my life up until Spring Break 2017, when I decided I would finally attend The Arnold sports convention. More like bodybuilding convention. And though I was merely a powerlifter with a poverty bench on her way to becoming a triathlete, I refused to show up without abs. While having a big booty and abs may make you feel like a special snowflake in the general population, its simply the entrance ticket to the bodybuilding world. And if I had abs, I was gonna show them. So I purchased: the napkin.

And here’s how this now famous article of clothing got its name.

Me: *showing Nick my crop top, half in a genuine attempt to be transparent, half so I don’t get called out when he sees my future insta pics”

Me:   “….it’s a shirt!…”

Nick: “That. is not. a shirt. You mean…that’s a bra?”

Me: “….a shirt!”


And so began a legend.




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